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AIDS/Lifecycle Days 1 and 2: The Learning Curve

AIDS/Lifecycle Days 1 and 2: The Learning Curve

Day One: Daly City to Santa Cruz

I woke up in a sweat, a good fever breaking sweat. I felt much better though I had to admit to myself I was definitely sick, still had a sore throat and a congested nose. I couldn’t back out of so many layers of organization and planning though. As far as I was concerned, I was on a one way train to Santa Monica whether I got there on my own pedaling power or on the SAG car. I took care not to breathe or otherwise interact with my teammates too much. My mantra for the day, as all days really, was “keep going until you can’t”. It applies whether I’m sick, dehydrated, tired, overheated, or not feeling it. I’ve ridden enough to know that how you feel at the beginning is not how you feel in the middle and is not how you feel in the end. The first day was going to be 80 miles in a freshly sick body which I have never even attempted but I wondered… what’s the worst that could happen?

The energy at the starting line was infectiously high. I think the sheer adrenaline from the mass start, hundreds of spectators cheering me on my way out, banished the sickness right out of me for at least those first 20 miles. Every day would have four rest stops, more or less evenly spaced out throughout the route. So when I got to the first rest stop I thought “why not take a little break”. This turned out to be a huge mistake as basically the entire ride stops at this rest stop. I could have turned right around and left, but the salty dog in me refused to leave after I already “invested” 20 minutes into the bathroom line. I swear it must have taken me 40 minutes to leave which was a little absurd for being the first stop of the day. That was my first AIDS/Lifecycle lesson: Never stop at the first rest stop.

There was some climbing at the beginning of the route, it wasn’t hard but with all the riders having left at once and with the mandate to stick to the shoulder of the road things got very crowded. It was like being in a traffic jam where you kept having to leapfrog past other cars. What I noticed though was in this section and in the next before lunch as long as I kept going I didn’t feel the symptoms of my illness. My body was too busy pedaling to worry about fighting the cold I had contracted. This was so alleviating; although I’m sure I wasn’t performing at peak capacity, not being able to breathe or having a lingering cough while exercising would have been a much worse experience. Then of course once I stopped moving I felt the symptoms come back. At lunch I thoroughly enjoyed eating my sad packed sandwich meal that they had prepared for us while overlooking the ocean at San Gregorio Beach. As I felt the solids in my nose quicken however, I decided it was time to leave. One of my team members was departing around the same time and I rolled out with them, only to be unceremoniously dropped after a mile or so. Given the climbing and my waning health this was just par for the course.

I never truly rode alone though since there was one unbroken steady stream of riders the entire way to Santa Cruz. This was a unique aspect of AIDS/Lifecycle. With over 2000 riders participating I was never far behind or too far in front of anyone for very long. It warps an individual feat into a greater accomplishment. The stronger riders, the slower riders, the roadies, the rest stops all form some sort of collective cycling consciousness whose sole goal is to move all of its body parts from San Francisco to Los Angeles. Being a cog in such a glorious machine is comforting since all material concerns and objectives are replaced with one defining motivation “keep going”.

I kept riding down the coast, which this was my first time ever riding north of Santa Cruz and the views delivered that same magical California coastal vibe that we get all the way down to Long Beach, so I never felt far from home. It was overcast but the temperature slowly started to climb. By the time I got to the last rest stop (“seamen” themed) I was not feeling 100%. My sickness had come to roost, or my body was catching up to pushing too hard in the morning. I almost skipped the stop, but I wanted to load up on oranges and vitamin C to fight the cold. I pulled into camp around 4 pm which I thought was a great time. But on Day 1 I was going to have to figure out the ropes about camping on the ride so there was going to be a learning curve.

It goes like this: You pull into camp and park your bike at the bike parking. Once you park, take everything you need off your bike, collect a chocolate milk from a handy cooler by the exit and get to the cargo trucks. The truck I left my stuff at in the morning was the same truck I’d be picking up from at camp. From the truck I collect my giant bag of stuff which I regretted bringing because sometimes the walk from the truck to tents was long. The first thing I did when I got my stuff was take off my cycling shoes and put on my Crocs, which quickly became my favorite part of the day. Then I would wander in the direction of the tents trying to find my “site”. My teammates did this on day one and never again, opting to place their tent wherever they could get away with and was convenient for them. But I doggedly adhered to the rules every day, not really having the mental capacity to consider actual options after I finished. Assembling my tent sucked, but it was better to get it over with immediately, so I actually had a place to relax. Putting the tent together on an empty stomach made me feel woozy as I wrestled with the hooks, flaps, and the wind. That first day was the hardest. I was so tired from the 80-mile day, the struggle with the tent and my illness that I just lay down in the tent and tried to process everything. My stomach began to rumble. I knew it was time for dinner but before I could eat, I needed to figure out how to shower.

Contemplating why I am even doing this


I’ve never used a shower truck before, but it was kind of like the locker rooms at school or showers at a gym. It was a great feeling getting rid of the gunk from the day and the shower is a good way to signal my body to relax a.k.a. start the recovery process. It’s not lost on me that if I was doing a real self-supported bike tour, showering every day like this would be a huge luxury that was unlikely to happen. I tried to keep that clarity of mind as I realized the hot water in my stall wasn’t working. The cold water was bracing, and it woke me the hell up from the stupor I was in.

Finally, I was in my comfy clothes, and I could just relax and desperately try not to think that the next day was the most challenging single day out of the whole ride. Dinner was something carb heavy and bland that night, I can’t even remember now but I’m sure at the time it was a blessing. Our group had a little team meeting inside one of our member’s tents, but I excommunicated myself to the outside as I was still trying to fight off whatever cold I had. We discussed the plan for tomorrow which was going to the be the same plan for the rest of the week: try to meet up for breakfast and leave together. Afterwards I went to my tent to just try and let my body rest, and to actually sleep early so I could wake up early the next day and get out of Dodge.

Day Two: Santa Cruz to King City

I woke up feeling like crap. Had a stuffy nose which didn’t let me sleep very well, that and my body was still getting used to the inflatable sleeping bag mat. I sighed and got to work deconstructing my belongings, my tent, and my life. I was grumpy at the Jairo from yesterday who threw around all his stuff as he was trying to shower and get dressed for dinner. I was able to more or less pack everything the way I had the first night. It’s sad how taking down a tent is so much easier than putting it up, “the universe really does favor moving towards entropy”, this was my pessimistic thinking as I groggily rolled over my belongings to the truck. I needed coffee asap, then a light breakfast, and I would be able to start around 630 am to allow for spending extra time on the road if I had to. At least that’s what I thought but I learned some more ALC lessons that morning.

The sheer logistics of getting 2000 riders fed and onto the road was staggering. I saw the line for breakfast and knew I’d had to throw my planned start times out the window. Even the line to just get coffee was absurdly long in case I wanted to skip breakfast. I waited patiently as more of our team showed up and we began to chat. I decided to just get food and skip the coffee line but once we put our heads together, we divided and conquered. I sang exalted praises underneath my breath because I would have to otherwise stop somewhere during the day for this delicious elixir, adding logistical overhead I didn’t want to deal with. Then when we were done eating, I realized we made a huge mistake. The bikes were stored in a baseball field with a very narrow entrance and exit. It wasn’t a problem getting them in since every rider came in at different times based on their pace, but now that almost every single rider was trying to leave at the same time it created a huge bottleneck. It was a traffic jam from hell. Everyone’s instincts in this situation were to get in a line and wait their turn but even that proved chaotic because the number of riders and bikes was enough to wrap around the field several times over. A zig-zaggy queue formed but it was clear that the further back you were the later you would start due to people hopping into the line wherever their bikes were instead of dutifully walking to the end of the “line”. This morning I played it straight, but I took mental notes for the next day about what would be morally permissible, at least from a line-ethics perspective. I got out around 7:30 am, an hour gone just like that due to the challenges of moving bodies at scale.

I tried to make up the time by implementing the lesson from the first day and completely blazing past the first rest stop. It was a honey pot for basically every rider that didn’t get to use the restroom before leaving and also there wasn’t enough time from the start to spread out the massive column of riders into digestible chunks yet so it was crowded when I rode by. I knew I made the right choice and surprisingly I felt much better on the bike and pedaling than I did when I woke up. It’s like the symptoms of my cold had become subservient to the goal of finishing this ride. My sickness and my body were putting aside their differences to meet the proverbial gauntlet. This part of the course I had actually ridden previously as well on a Santa Cruz to Big Sur century so I knew I was expecting lots of farmland and crops. It made it easier to ride the 32 miles to the first rest stop without pause, and what a stop!

As if it was the culmination of all the vegetation I had seen up until that point the stop was Pezzini Farms: an Artichoke farm that had a dedicated shop with artichoke themed merchandise and food. It was crowded but not obscenely. I was able to enjoy an artichoke cupcake and grilled artichoke. As it turns out I don’t love artichoke, but the frosting was delicious. We very quickly came to rest stop 2 at mile 40 where the DJ was playing some throwback music that lured me to stop and eat a banana just to soak up the vibes. Then before I knew it, Bam! Lunch at mile 50. Not sure why the rest stops were bunched up but I could never say no to lunch so of course I stopped and ate some sandwiches under a tree with my cohorts. It was meditative to lie there and relax, I can see how the Buddha reached enlightenment that way, but before I reached Apotheosis I had to get on with the next 60 miles.

Time was waning and we left Salinas and away from the coast through neighborhoods and more farmlands. Stop #3 at about mile 70 was yet another park, I saw the fabled cookie lady delivering homemade cookies to all the starving cyclists. I couldn’t deny myself the pleasure! The temperature started to climb as we left the overcast coastal vibe of the morning for a more sun-drenched valley situation. To sour the deal we even had a steady headwind that had slowly snuck up on us. This was the hardest part of the day when you threw in some elevation and the high mileage count. Our bodies were exhausted and mine was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I pressed on and eventually came upon the otter pop stop, which offered otter pops to cyclists on this last stretch of a hotter day. I took one look at the never-ending line of sun kissed riders and peaced out, it was tempting but this day was dragging on and if I didn’t get to camp pronto I’d be setting up my tent in the dark.

It was about mile 90 when I came to an interesting sight, I crossed a bridge and there were dozens of bicycles on the side of the road seemingly…abandoned? All day I had heard people talking about the “secret” skinny dipping spot unsanctioned by the ride itself of course, and yet all these bikes left next to the bridge could only mean that the secret wasn’t so secret. Our group wanted to check it out, so we dutifully left our bikes propped up against a hillside wall and clopped down to the side of the river. I had no intention of dressing down or even getting wet but I wanted to be part of the experience. I will say this, there were a lot of people there and plenty of appendages soaking up the sun. This was the perfect time to indulge in some Beaver nuggets I had brought back from Buc-ee’s on a recent trip to Texas. If you look at the sugar content on those things, a 100 mile bike ride is just about the only way to justify eating them. Before we knew what was happening the Sheriffs arrived to break up the party. Apparently innocent families had chanced to look down at the river while crossing the bridge and what they saw had been burned into their minds as indecent and criminal. The Sheriffs told everyone to leave immediately or they would take all the bikes. Of course we got out of there, “not the bikes!”. It was better this way, I was definitely indulging in killing time when I should have buckled down and just gotten to camp.

The beaver nuggets. Just out of frame: human nuggets.


Finally, we got past all the climbs of the day and like some sort of token victory from the universe the wind changed direction and all of a sudden I was flying towards the “privilege” of setting up my tent. I was doing so well that I ignored the last stop somewhere around the 100 mile mark. It was time to eat dinner!
That night I was so tired from the day that all I could was slowly set up tent, shower, and scarf down dinner. My cold was waiting in the wings, biding its time until I got off the bike to make its presence known again. I went to bed early, still sick, still tired, and now aware that every day brought its own set of challenges. In the morning, that challenge had a name: The Quadbuster.

Deep Fried Revisionism: A Trip To Texas

Deep Fried Revisionism: A Trip To Texas

I went on a trip to Austin after telling my friends for years that I wanted to go. The straw that broke the camel’s back for me was seeing all of them take their epic summer vacations to Europe. I know it sounds tone deaf considering I just went on an epic trip to Japan earlier this year. But I also feel that being in a privileged and unique position to have the agency to take these trips puts me in moral bind. If I do not exercise these powers that I have, am I worthy of having them? If I don’t take advantage, am I wasting the opportunities presented to me? and most importantly will I regret it later in life when I think, “oh how I could have traveled in those days and chose instead to be humble about it and wait for my turn again”. There’s this capitalist instinct to squeeze as much productivity as possible into your days. Yet everyone’s concept of productivity really rests on the goals they have defined for themselves. And for someone such as I, whose only real goal is to live life authentically…how is one productive at living?

My answer is to act on those flourishes of inspiration. When the muse speaks to me, I listen. And here it told me (not literally of course) that I needed to get away for a bit. I felt that inexorable rejection of the mundane which visits me from time to time. I don’t want to end up like Ivan Ilyich and reject these in favor of a predictable existence so I checked and the universe laid bare a gift to me: Fantastic Fest. The Alamo Drafthouse’s film festival held at their base camp in Austin, Texas. I knew about this festival before but I had previously decided not to go thinking I couldn’t make the days work with the already lavish time I had taken. Now it would serve well as the grounds for a revenge trip, a revenge on myself really, the me that had dared to decide I wasn’t going to act on it before.

The plan was simple, I wasn’t going to take the 7 days off required to attend the entirety of the festival. I was going to opt for the cheapest badge possible, the second-half badge, partially as a trial run to see if the full experience would be worth it and also so I could offset some of the negative optics around my trip by working remotely a couple days. I flew in Friday night after work and would cram as much tourism as I could into that first weekend including some bike rides, work Monday to Wednesday, attend all five rounds of movies on Thursday, Fly to Dallas Friday morning and hang out with my cousins there, then fly back Sunday night. Only two days total of official vacation time if I could make it work.

I found out that Lance Armstrong is based out of Austin and it just so happened that the bike shop I placed a rental with was his bike shop. I discussed with Daniel, as a barometer of the cycling community, if it was cool to like Lance Armstrong again. He said that it’s kind of undisputed that everyone on the Tour De France (TDF) would cheat during his tenure there, and that’s a big reason why he felt he could confess the truth but that he still acted like a total douche about it and that’s why public opinion is against him. So okay relatively speaking he wasn’t any worse in deeds than his peers, but if we’re dealing with absolutes maybe him and the rest of them deserve the hate evenly spread amongst them. But all’s fair in love and war and morality tends to go out the window in intense competitions like the TDF, especially if winning is determined by the amount of cheating you do or don’t do. So this is all to say that although I don’t worship at the altar of Armstrong, being in his home base bike shop was still pretty cool.

The morning before picking up the bike I walked to the state capitol of Texas which I think was the biggest checkbox on my list of tourist activities plus I thought it would make for a great “I’m here” photo for my IG stories.

Which yeah it totally did

I didn’t go in as it was too early for visiting hours but I walked along its grounds and just tried to absorb the Texas-ness of it all. There was a statue of the ten commandments across the street which I thought “yeah, checks out” and then I was surprised to find a statue dedicated to the confederate dead….which okay I see what they are trying to do but the dedication said the reason for the secession was a matter of “states’ rights” but I think it is intentionally obfuscating the real issue at the core of the civil war: slavery. This was the same kind of Lost Cause gaslighting I saw on my trip to Virginia and Georgia last year so I guess I should have anticipated it, but that’s when I finally felt like I was in Texas.

I picked up the bike from Mellow Johnnys, only to realize that it was way more hot and humid than I had anticipated. I’ve ridden in hot conditions before but it has been a while and I was afraid my body was not acclimated. Still I shook it off and thought that it wouldn’t be any worse than the Tour De Palm Springs century I did a year and a half ago. I set off probably at the worst time, 11 am, as the heat was beginning to climb but the first part of the ride was through the shaded canopy along the Colorado River, then through some beautiful forested areas on the Austin-to-Manor Bike trail. It was going so well that I even stopped for a decadent coffee at a mochi donut shop also conveniently located next to a bike shop. Okay you probably feel me setting it up but once I hit the open plains and the blacktop coming back from Lake Long I was WRECKED. I explained it better in my Strava recap but I definitely was suffering from heat exhaustion by the end of that ride and I had to lay down and focus on not passing out for about 20 minutes once I got back. This kind of shifted my plans a bit because I decided bike rides were no longer in the picture.

The following day I decided to go to the Texas State history museum insetad. They have a cool immersive 4d theater experience were they play admittedly propagandic films about how great Texas is. No one loves Texas more than Texas I think and one of the films was about its identity as the Lone Star state who fights more its beliefs and doesn’t have problems standing in defiance of anyone who says otherwise. To wit outside the theatre there was a display from Gonzales, Texas the site of the very first battle in the Texas revolution. The narrative the museum tells is that being fed up with Texas’ poor representation in the Mexican government and mishandling of their economy forced them to rebel, and when Mexico showed up to Gonzales to take back the cannons they had given the outpost there, the Texans said enough was enough and erected a banner with the words “Come And Take It”. Mexico tried to do just that but was sent packing in what was the first volley towards Texas independence. Myths like these and the tale of the Alamo bolster this Lone Star identity. I admit as a story it is inspiring, and I can see why Texans love to embody this image of a scrappy, rebellious, and confident underdog. It hits the same notes that the American revolution did, and they would claim that Texas independence was also a struggle to break free from a tyrant. The reality though is a little suspect because at the time of Texas’ independence there was just as many Mexican residents as foreigners, perhaps it is for this reason that Texas would have preferred to be its own nation not really Mexican and not really American. Yet by eventually joining the United States it created a rift between it’s identity as an American white state and its true Mexican roots. To further confuse things it almost immediately seceded from the union in order to preserve its vast and powerful cotton trade economy. It’s still the Lone Star indeed but on the wrong side of history this time?

Okay these guys maybe are a little too white

When you think of Texas what comes to mind though? Longhorn cattle, cowboys, horses, rodeos? Not slavery, cotton, sweet tea, the confederacy? That is because there was an intentional rebranding campaign during the Texas Centennial Exhibition. Texas was(is) a southern state yet after the massive publicity of the centennial celebration we not think of it as a Western state. clever isn’t it? Granted the division between South, West, and Southwest is blurry and imaginary but our relative perception is all that matters. The humidity, heat and general swampiness of Austin told the real tale of the South at least geographically speaking. Having said all that I still bought a Gonzales pin because there is something universally badass about telling an overbearing source of authority to dare and come take their approval back.

Fantastic Fest itself was an amazing experience. It was like being at a film camp, seeing the same people everyday and sharing your thoughts on the films with them and the actors, directors, or crew that were there for the premiere. Then it ended in an extravagant party that reminded me of the crazy company holiday parties Verizon used to throw. I think 2024 will include me buying a full badge but for now I’ve written about all the 2023 FF movies I did see on my letterboxd.

After the festivities I got to treat myself even further and take a short flight to Dallas to spend a whirlwind two extra days with my cousin there. I’ve been meaning to visit her for a long time and I couldn’t pass up the opportunity now that I was within striking distance. I went to the Texas State Fair, the biggest of all the state fairs, while there and wow…you know how all throughout the world the United States is known for uniquely death defyingly fatty foods, well the Texas State Fair is the breeding ground for them. It’s the wellspring of the American diet including foods such as deep fried fritos and chili, deep fried pumpkin pie, deep fried shots of Fireball whisky, deep fried texas oatmeal pie and much…much more. Of course what is America without our rich tapestry of immigrant backgrounds? They are not be left out either as I had deep fried Vietnamese coffee, deep fried cacio e pepe, deep fried birria bombs, deep fried bao buns and still much more. It was a culinary experience unique to Texas and perhaps all the state fairs in the US have a little bit of this and a little bit of that but there in Dallas everything was bigger and abundant.

Big Tex, presiding god of Texas and its deep fryers.

Lastly and perhaps most overwhelming I visited the scene of John F. Kennedy’s death. There is a museum built on the floor where Lee Harvey Oswald fired three bullets at the president’s cavalcade. I’m not a big presidential buff, or even a fan of deifying presidents the way certain people do (looking at Reagan and Obama) but walking through JFK’s museum was absolutely gripping. I think there were several reasons for my fascination:
1) Just the general spectacle of death as entertainment which we are so accustomed to seeking out. It’s probably the whole reason the museum can be operated, droves of tourists coming to literally walk on the ground where a president was fatally shot. This tangible connection to the past is its own force too I think which is the reason we like to visit ruins and ancient structures etc.
2) The Zapruder film is an amazing public document. This was one of the first video recordings ever used in a criminal investigation shot on one of the first EVER home video cameras. The film runs at about 18 frames per second and each frame becomes a tick in the clock of the assassination. The detailing of events then unfold as each frame of the film snaps by. Is these 486 frames of films that have caused an explosion of conspiracy theories and deep dives into trajectories of the bullets etc.
3) The exhibits at the museum are laid out in such a way that it places you in the roles of an investigator. After covering JFK’s brief presidency you are inundated in facts about the murder each mapped to a frame of the zapruder film. Then you are exposed to various theories and although officially Oswald was found to be the only guilty assailant, the real nail in the coffin of any resolution is that he ALSO gets assassinated right after. So are you left trying to piece together what “really” happened yourself a technique which I admit left me wondering about the whole affair for weeks after.

My final act in Texas was to visit one of the South’s unique twists on open road culture. I joined the cult of Buc-ees which on paper is a gas station with a giant general goods store attached to it. In practice though it’s so much more, it’s like you’re walking into the temple of some ancient Greek god and their followers have set up a festival of goods and foods that you can only find in the shadow of the titular Beaver. You can buy idols and merchandise in his image to take to his followers back home for good fortune. You can indulge in the pristine bathrooms that upend the stigma of roadside lavatory usage and hygiene. This is all to say that I will be back to Texas if only as a pilgrimage to worship at the foot of Buc-ees once more.

District Of Columbia

District Of Columbia

At 3:30 am June 22nd 2022 I awoke to the booming sound of thunder rattling my windows and lightning illuminating my room. At first I thought it was a car exhaust, a firework, or a gunshot which are all known culprits for waking me up in the small hours of the morning. But as I heard the rolling boom fade away I realized it was a natural occurrence. There is much fun made of us southern Californians and our over-reaction to real weather. Believe me when I say though that thunder and lightning of all things is so, so rare. Even more rare for me was the proximity of it, it felt like there were explosions just outside my window. I silently cursed to myself because of all the nights this night I was trying to get as much sleep as possible because I had a flight to catch at 7:50 am. The jolt, along with the adrenaline that came with it virtually guaranteed I would no longer be sleeping that morning. I didn’t know it but the thunderstorms would follow me all the way to my destination: Washington DC, and even further to Georgia, North Carolina, and Virginia on the second leg of my journey. Although the thought crossed my mind I chose not to dwell on this fitful start as an omen of what would come and before I knew it I was touching down on federal land.

From the national portrait gallery

Columbia is a personification of the United States because we love anthropomorphizing things, and it lets us assign optimistic traits to ourselves. Yet Columbia is named after Columbus who as modern revisionist history points out was more akin to the Americas’ first slave master than hero. Washington is a founding father and the first president of these United States, and perhaps most curiously…a Virginian. Thomas Jefferson, James Madison, George Mason and Patrick Henry were also Virginians and together they formed some revolutionary heavy hitters. They helped write the documents we still refer back to almost 250 years later. So I say it’s curious because not 85 years after declaring independence from Britain, Virginia declared independence from the United States along with the rest of the confederate states. It would seem that slavery was too precious to their economy to get rid of even though most of the rest of the world had outlawed it already. Economic concerns trumping humanistic decisions are a recurring theme in our nation’s history. We refer to ourselves as a democratic republic but our system of government might better be called Capitalism. If the government is a political machine running the nation then money is the lubricant, the fuel, and its necessity is the guiding force behind the whole apparatus.

Looking through our nation’s history in DC presents a problem, the danger of storytelling. Even here on this post I present to you my opinions, mixed with some factual evidence, laid out in a way that accentuates the jaded, pessimistic, yet still prone to inspiration mind behind these words. There are around 74 museums in the capital, they stand majestically side to side with a who’s who of massive federal agencies. Walking through some of them I found it interesting to see descriptions of Benjamin Franklin with addendums of how he used slaves make his inventions, or descriptions of how many slaves each founding father owned underneath their portrait. It would seem that we are at last trying to hold a mirror up to the story of our national identity. For how long though was all this subtext and context missing, left buried under the rug in order to present a satisfying tale of tenacity and doggedness against the tyranny of King George. I’m an avid visitor of museums and I like to do a depth first dive into the exhibits which often means I leave the museum unfinished as I’m forced out by docents. The museums in DC were vast, varied, and detailed and yet for all that has been written about history what has been left out?

Lincoln’s Death Hat

I sat in the very theatre that Abraham Lincoln was in when he was shot to death by John Wilkes Booth. Exclaiming “Sic Semper Tyrannis” he ran from the stage where now a ranger was telling us about his fate. The latin phrase was a reference to the murder of Ceasar and it also appears on the seal of Virginia. Presumably Booth believed Lincoln was a tyrant, abusing his war time powers against the confederacy. Yet how could Lincoln abuse his power against the states that had seceded from under his rule? Even though the Confederacy lost it hasn’t stopped them from unloading a slew of pro-confederate propaganda immediately after the war to this very day. The Lost Cause is an attempt to couch what was a pro-slavery war in romantic ideals and heroic deeds. I visited Richmond Virginia, the capital of the confederacy on the last bit of my trip and couldn’t believe our bloodiest conflict erupted basically between two capitals barely more than 100 miles apart. Statues of Robert E. Lee, Stonewall Jackson, and Jefferson Davis were barely taken down two years ago. Only recently has the nation started to take an active part in rejecting the siren song of a feel-good story. How long will we keep it up and how far will our memory go, after all when I visit statues of Alexander The Great I don’t think of the man, I think of the god, and his list of accomplishments and atrocities float through my conscious mind with ease and without emotional burden.

The memorial to the Korean War haunts me still

The history of our nation and of the world is riddled with bloodshed, revolution, and turmoil. The many monuments devoted to the countless wars since our nation’s conception make that obvious. On the third day of my trip the supreme court struck down Roe V. Wade and protests erupted immediately on site. The only way to get lasting, real change in the US is through tireless coordination and effort, by constitutional design. I can’t help but think though that as a democracy, a crowd of protesters is inherent with the threat of violence against elected officials. After all if there is a disconnect in what the people say and what those in power do then the system has failed and what’s the ultimate and final way to take back the power? How long can we build towards our idea of a utopia before it all bubbles over again and we are forced to regenerate the only way we know how?